Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Random thoughts...

Lately I've been having a hard time dealing with perspective. For me, it is so easy to let my mind wander to places it shouldn't, and focus on the scariness of the future, along with other issues. It's easy to get intimidated by my thesis project that's in front of me, and how my work ethic has seem to gone out the window. I tend to focus on the negative, convince myself that I'm utterly alone, and just sit there and dwell.

Well we all know that obviously isn't healthy, physically or spiritually. Last night at Breakaway [where God is doing amazing things, BTW], it hit me how easy it is to get lost in worship when I am surrounded by thousands of other Christians, but when I go about my day-to-day life, that security almost disappears. I don't think about it. I let my devos become more routine and less personal. I focus on how I have no idea where Matt & I will be living in 9 months. I think about how some people aren't meeting my expectations or how others have treated me poorly. 

This is definitely not the first time I've had this realization, but each time I do, it just hurts. Thankfully I am at A&M where I have a chance to attend events such as Breakaway. I have the opportunities to get involved in small groups and go to church. I have an amazing fiance' who is willing to stay up with me and make me talk about these things even when he has scary aero homework. And most importantly, I have Jesus who will always love me, no matter how many times I push Him down a notch on my priority list. He will always remind me of my forgetfulness, and He will always be there when I come back with love and forgiveness. 

Of course I shouldn't have to run back, but we're human- it happens. But, and this is why I'm blogging about this, I need your prayers that I will make a conscious effort to put myself back in my place and remind myself that I'm loved by God who has a plan. I will rest in that knowledge and trust Him. I will give myself to God everyday, and every time I get stressed and work or school just does not go right, I will say a prayer and move on. God, after all, has control.

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