Tuesday, October 5, 2010

A little bit of pondering

So tonight at Breakaway, Ben discussed a major point that really hit me. For those of you who don't know, Breakaway is held weekly on Tuesday nights, most of the time in Reed Arena. It started as a small Bible study and has since taken off, where there are literally thousands of Texas A&M and Blinn students that attend weekly. It is amazing to see so many people worshiping God in one place, especially when you can feel so alone at a huge university, but I digress...

Anyway, we are studying 1 Thessalonians and he touched on how Paul's big thing in life was not how moral of a life he could lead, but the communities he was a part of, especially the one in Thessalonica. Paul was described as someone who, as part of his group, turned the world upside down. Ben described the various characteristics of Paul, how he was emotionally invested into the community, but not emotionally dependent. He loved them and was open about his feelings for the group. That sense of community you get from reading the letters is really touching, and something that I seriously lack in my own life.

I have been on a couple of mission trips when I was in high school where you get completely immersed in those you are with and the work you are doing that you do develop this community where you can tell people openly that you love them, and it is not in a weird, creepy way that a lot of people just on the street would take it. As Ben was describing, you loved them and you could tell them the truth. And then, of course, the hardest thing is translating that into real life. It is sad to say, but I am not in contact with any of those people I went on those trips with. 

I am a Christian, and I try to love Jesus with all my heart. I know He was sent by God and died for our sins on the cross, but was raised from the dead, so that we may know Him. Yes, I have and believe the basic tenants. I do my best to live a moral life, stay pure, do not get drunk, do not cuss, etc. But, and Ben said this tonight, when I die and enter into Heaven, is that all I want to show in my life? 

The clear answer is no. I want to touch other people's lives, share God's amazing love for all of us and share what He has done in my life. It is a pity I can be scared from doing that, from fear of losing friends, acceptance, etc. Yet, in the end, what's more important? Knowing I tried my best to share my faith with others, or knowing I wimped out because I wanted to be accepted by those here in earth?

As I am about to graduate college, get married, and start a new life, I obviously face the big question of what do I really want in my life. It isn't to be the best in my job. I want a family, but I do not see myself as being a stay-at-home mom, though of course God may have other plans. I love people, though, and I love talking to them, trusting them, and having a sense of community and love. I have oftentimes played with the idea of being a therapist, but I always drop that idea, from fear of burning out or being ineffective. But, how is pursuing a PhD in Criminology and then going into research help me pursue God? Obviously you can pursue God in other arenas that do not directly involve helping people, I guess I just sometimes have a hard time of seeing how. 

But what do I want? I want to glorify God in all that I do. I do not want to be afraid to speak out. I want to love people and have a sense of community. Just the question is how.  

No comments:

Post a Comment