Five Things Friday

Don't look now, but I have just posted twice in 1 week. Crazy! Here is a quick update on the happenings of my life recently.

1. It was my birthday! I had a great day of enjoying some tasty food and relaxing with my husband. That's all I could really ask for.
2. We finally get to have Epic Date Part B Saturday night! Matt's taking me out to dinner and we get to get all dressed up and everything. I'm excited!
3. I am so blessed by my family and friends. I don't say it enough but it is so true. I was reminded of that this week in many, many ways.
4. As busy as school keeps me, I'm really enjoying my classes this semester. They are all pretty interesting and opening my eyes to several different research methods and issues I've never considered before. 
5. I increased my mileage this week in preparation for my 10K. I wasn't able to run 4 miles completely without stopping, but I think running all but 4 minutes of it is pretty awesome. I just have to figure out why I get cramps around the 9 minute mark...

Anyway, that's about it for me. What are your plans this weekend? Have you been enjoying your September so far?

Because it's Friday; source

Observations from the weekend

I feel I can't let a post today be anything but about what happened in the early morning hours of last Friday. It was and is a tragedy. It is heart breaking. It is difficult to think about. What would cause a person to do such a thing? 


But I also can't help but think about the 10,000 plus people that have been killed in Syria in the past few months. Or the unknown number of people starving in North Korea, either in their villages or in prison camps. The list could go on, but it doesn't need to. 


So many tragedies, so many seemingly senseless deaths. I daily look at my news sources and read about how 200 more people were killed in Syria that day, and my heart goes out to them. Then I forget about it. Come Friday morning when we woke up to hear about the Colorado shooting, things become different. It is different when it happens here, in the US. Mass shooting rampages and other attacks just don't happen here. 


We stare at the picture of the shooter and speculate what was going on in the months leading up to the event. We argue about the need for tougher gun control laws. We post that our prayers and thoughts are with those in Aurora, CO.  


But it is equally heartbreaking, if not more so, to hear that thousands of people, many of them women and children, are being killed in other nations. However, I don't see that on Facebook. Regardless of what should or should not be done politically, it is not something talked about in day-to-day life.


I don't have a solution. I know we gravitate and pay attention to things that are more relevant to us, that are closer in proximity to us. It's what we do as a society. However, I have been reminded that my prayers should also be with all of those around the world, not just those in our country.


Again, no grand solution on my part to these issues. I don't mean to downplay what did happen on Friday, either. Just food for thought. If you have any thoughts on this issue, feel free to share. 

Why Grad School?

In undergrad I never really knew what I was going to do once graduation came. With the bachelor degree I earned, there really wasn't a lot I could do with it (that I wanted to do) so grad school was the obvious choice. I took some career aptitude tests to help guide me in that decision and their answer was always clear- PROFESSOR. I would always reject that answer and instead insist on other things. Those other paths shifted from month-to-month it seems, but one thing I knew- I would be anything but being a professor. 


Even when I started my program I was set against going into academia. This avoidance is due to a lot of things, such as desiring a more 'helping' oriented profession, the ability to have a family, and the lack of desire for the stress of a tenure-track position. An important obstacle was the anti-Christian message I received from several professors and I think the public perceives from academics in general. The list could go on. However, this semester things started to change. I still want a family of course and I don't want my job to be insanely stressful-- who does? But I learned I had a lot of misconceptions about being a professor, I learned a lot about myself, and I learned a lot about God's heart. 

I realized that it is possible to have a family and be a professor, too. Oftentimes professors have a lot of freedom in their schedules, so that can be made to fit with having kids, especially with the cooperation of my husband. 


I know how to handle stress for the most part by avoiding it. My first year in grad school wasn't that stressful. I realize I'm just starting and things will progress more that way, but I learned that I do work ahead of deadlines and I do enjoy research, two factors that will really benefit me in the field. I am so not one to put off doing work until the last minute-- putting off work stresses me out so why do that to myself? I have been known to make weekly/monthly schedules of I'm going to accomplish all I have to do by setting deadlines for myself and saying OK, on this day you will do X, Y, and Z. I do know that If I chose the tenure track, it will be a lot of hours, more than 40/week, but if that's where God wants me to be, then that's where He'll put me. 


Most importantly, though, I learned to accept where God has put me and the gifts He has given me. As I previously mentioned, I wanted a more helping oriented position, one that is clearly and directly helping people. Academia and associated fields seem less so. However, what I learned is that God did not give me a huge amount of patience, thus I really shouldn't be a teacher for anyone younger than 18. God did give me an analytical mind, He gave me an interest in reading, in learning, in why people do the crazy things they do. I could go on with this, but the point is that despite my kicking and screaming along the way, God has given me so many pokes and prods along the way I would have to blind not to see the fact that this is where I am supposed to be. 


My program has offered me amazing opportunities already and it is only my first year. I'm happy. I'm enjoying what I'm learning, being able to see the 'real' side of what being a professor is all about and what doing research really means. 


Does this mean I will without a doubt be a professor when I graduate in 3-4 years? I don't know that. It just means I'm way more open to it then I was 6 months ago. I probably will, but a lot of it comes down to finding a job where Matt can get a job, that I feel the position is a good fit for my personality and my family's needs, and all of that fun stuff.


Basically, the answer to what I want to do with my Ph.D. comes down to whatever will allow me to use my gifts to the best of my ability in order to fully glorify God. I should not try to be something I'm not by trying to do something I'm not called to. I very much fit into the world of academia, and that is not a bad thing. It doesn't have to be a profession full of atheists/agnostics who believe Christians don't think or are judgmental. I can be a part of changing that perception. My field will allow me to help uncover the reasons why people commit crimes, hopefully to inform policy efforts along the way. Of course this latter benefit pales in comparison to the former.


Regardless, I'm excited. If I've learned this much about grad school, myself, and God in the first year, I can't imagine where I'll be in 3-4 years from now. It may be some place different, but right now I'm very thankful.


PS: If you read this far, you're a champ. Here's your reward. 


PPS: Sorry, couldn't resist. If you don't get it, go here. 

A different holiday season

As a lot of you know, this is our first holiday season as newlyweds, which means learning how to split the holidays with our various families. This Thanksgiving, we'll be spending time with Matt's family. At Christmas, we'll be with my family then driving 10+ hours for Matt's family Christmas celebration. So much driving, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

This is just another one of those weird adult things you have to get used to-- not always being with your family. It's the first Thanksgiving I haven't been with my immediate family. There are some personal matters going on right now that also make it harder. One of those things where I just want to go home to my mom and dad. 

Yesterday was one of those days. I was sitting in church, a place where you should feel free to be real. Say what's going on, that you are in need of prayer, of hugs. But I wasn't. I instead avoided those I knew.I was afraid of drawing too much attention to myself in a large congregation where I know only a handful of people. I didn't want to start telling someone what was going on, not being able to hold it in anymore, and just... you know... start the ugly cry. 

As for what's going on, I know most likely it will be OK. Regardless God is in control, I know that. Most of the time I do feel at peace with it. But I have a history of anxiety issues, and sometimes it really gets the best of me. At those times I need to talk to someone, for someone to calm me down. But when I most need that, I instead turn inward until I can't take it anymore, drag my husband to my car and release the demon that is the ugly cry on him and he has no clue why. Poor Matt. Thankfully, he's experienced at this kind of thing. 

I then proceeded to look at one-way airfare so I could go see my parents, albeit briefly, before Thanksgiving. Due to it being the week it is, airfare was of course prohibitively expensive so no seeing my parents. 

Anyway, suffice it to say this will be a different holiday season. Things aren't always the easiest emotionally/spiritually. I love Matt's family and I'm excited to spend Thanksgiving with them, don't get me wrong there. I just have this child-like instinct to want to see my parents, spend the holidays with them, and be there for each other during this time. 

I guess that's a part of growing up, learning to depend more upon God first, my husband second, before your parents. So much balancing to be learned. 

Basically, it's a difficult time right now. I'm excited about Thanksgiving and do have so much to be thankful for, but it's not perfect. I didn't feel right writing a happy, picture-perfect Thanksgiving-related post today, because that wouldn't be honest. Thank you, Joelle, for reminding me of the importance for honesty. 

I'm going back to editing papers now, so I'll leave you with this:

http://weheartit.com/entry/14923701

A change of sorts

This is a little late in coming, but I blame grad school. 


In response to my self-declared social media fast, I had various reactions and thoughts. Things definitely changed, not so much my plan for my life, it's still unknown. Instead, my thoughts changed regarding social networking changed.

I know I don't have the most popular blog, and I'm always happy when I have 3 comments. I know more than 3 people read this blog, just most never tell me. No emails, messages, comments, etc. The purpose of this blog is to share what's going on with my life, especially with those I care about but I don't get to see as often as I would like. I like that I've gotten to know people through this blog that aren't in my 'real' world, don't get me wrong. But, I got to a point where I became fixated on getting more followers and was sad when that number dropped inexplicably. 

What's weird to think about is how I don't really know who reads this blog. I know strangers do, but that's not what bothers me. It's my friends, family, and acquaintances that read it but just don't tell me. It makes it difficult to write when I'm not sure who my audience is. Do you, the reader, like what I'm writing? Or do I sound like a blathering idiot who has no clue what she's talking about? Feedback is good. It starts a conversation. 

I'm a social person, as we all are. I thrive off of good conversations with good friends, and one of the hardest things about moving is losing all that. Matt is my best friend, but a girl still needs her girl friends. 

My parents (hi Mom and Dad!) talk about how lucky my generation is to have the internet for things like Facebook so we can keep in touch with former classmates. But sometimes I'm not so sure. It can turn into this weird stalking relationship where no real communication is taking place. Instead, I look at so-and-so's pictures, read their status updates, and I think I know what's going in their life. People do the same with me (theoretically). But that's not really knowing someone. 

I think Facebook and the like is an easy way for us to fulfill our needs to be connected with the people around us without the responsibilities of having a relationship. Yes, it does allow for you to have messages back and forth with people, but I know the majority of my time on these sites is not spent messaging people. I'm sure I'm not alone in that. It is a site I wish I could not belong to, but unfortunately some of my organizations use it to communicate so that's not really an option. 

Instead, I think my solution is to cut back severely. I'll still get on it, but just limit my time thanks to a handy little Chrome Add-On. 

As for this blog, it's going to change a little bit, too. I made an email address you can use to contact me. PLEASE no negativity/spam, etc. As I know not everyone as a google account, you can't all comment. Instead, if you have thoughts feel free to email me at littlebitofeverything.jessica[at]gmail[dot]com


It's long, I know, but copy and paste is a magical thing.  

I know social media can be a good thing, it can connect people all over the world to each other, provide a convenient way to learn, trade ideas, and get to know each other. However, I think that as the lazy human beings we are, we instead passively scroll through someone's page instead of actively typing a message.  

So, do you agree or disagree? I'm interested in your thoughts on this.

Social Media Fast

[post deleted to protect the innocent]

Trip back home

This past weekend, Matt & I headed down to Houston to spend the weekend with my parents and go to the Texas A&M vs. SMU football game. [Dude. SEC drama. Crazy Baylor] It was the first time I had gone to visit my parents' house since the wedding chaos so it was the first time it wasn't really 'home' to me. 

These past 3-4 months have definitely been full of transitions. Marriage, grad school, financially independent, moving twice... it's crazy & a lot to get used to all at once. But going back to Houston and then going back to College Station, places I had considered home for 4 years, it just wasn't anymore. I felt pretty old, walking around campus with Matt and 'reminiscing' about our college memories.

It was only 4 months ago that we graduated, but I digress.

Matt & I currently live in our moderately-sized 1 bedroom apartment. On some levels it does feel like home, like I cannot wait to get back following my late graduate classes. But I still find myself dreaming about a future home, a place with a yard so we can get a dog, do more drastic work to it to really make it our own, a place with non-apartment grade appliances. A place where I don't hear when my neighbors take a shower. Some place more permanent, more home-like and less apartment-like. 

Sigh... ; Source

 That is definitely a few years down the road. But all this got me thinking just about the concept that is home. When we were at my parents' house, a few aspects still felt like home-- just hanging out with my family around the table, watching movies, etc. I am currently sitting alone in our apartment while Matt's at work, wishing he would come home because right now it just feels like an apartment with our things in it. But when he's home and we eat dinner together, hang out and relax, it is definitely more home-like.

Source

Source

I know it's corny, and I apologize for the cheesiness. But sometimes it is definitely good to have those "home-is-where-the-heart-is" moments. Keeps things in perspective, especially with all the fires here in Texas. It shows you what's important, who's important. Gives me some patience while I dream about our house that is a few years in the future. 

Source

 

Goodbye Mrs. Housewife

As you may know, I start grad school tomorrow. Well, it's orientation. My first class isn't til Thursday, but I have orientation basically all day tomorrow and Tuesday. TA orientation, Criminology orientation, my college orientation, etc.

It's bittersweet for me really. I'm excited to start doing 'something' and feel like I'm contributing to our household financially (thank you, fellowship!), but I'm going to miss being a housewife. I know, I didn't expect it either. I've always been convinced I would not be a stay-at-home-mom, that I would have a good job, etc. But now I'm not so sure it would be the worst thing ever. Not that I'm going to suggest to Matt we have kids now. Nope, not ready for that.

Maybe I've just been having an extended vacation for the past 3 months, where all I have to do is work out, grocery shop, cook, and clean. It's a pretty nice life, really. Tons of time to read, blog, and find new things to do. I'm sad to be losing this free time. It was hard at the beginning, when Matt would go off to work, do these new and different things, and I would just sit around playing housekeeper. But then starting in July I really started to enjoy it, especially when we started meeting new people through our church.

But it's good to be moving on. The schedule is not the greatest (I have night classes... boo!) meaning less time with Matt, but it just means we have to really make the most of our time we do have together. It will give me motivation to not procrastinate, to make sure I get as much work done as I can during the day.

As for this blog, I'm not going to let it die, no worries! I enjoy having my group of blog friends to chat to and I think I may need to rant at some point about things every once in a while!

So, as I close the door on one part of my life (the re-living of our wedding & honeymoon), I'm ready to start this new one. It will be hard and different I'm sure, but I'm ready.

All You Need is Love: Final Thoughts

***This will be my final wedding recap post. Can't believe it took me all summer, but I wanted to thank you for following along with me! Next week will start the honeymoon recaps, interspersed with real-life updates because the following week, I start grad school! And then I won't be posting every day...

But anyway, on to my final thoughts to the entire wedding process

Final Thoughts:
Our wedding day was amazing. Everything went very smoothly (minus two minor hiccups) and people all had a good time. It was definitely a very happy day. I think I did go a bit Type A in the planning process, but that's just who I am and I'm glad I was able to get certain things done waaay ahead of time.

However, as I have said, if there was anything I could change, it would be to have a longer reception. I personally felt rushed and like I couldn't talk to our guests as much as I wanted. At the end of the reception, I was dehydrated and felt pretty bad (though I didn't realize it until I was away from the guests). I wish I could have not felt that way, but as my dad told me going into the wedding experience:

The wedding is for the friends & family while the honeymoon is for the bride and groom.

I totally agree with that now! I don't know if it was my lack of sleep the night before, the shoes, stress, or what, but I just didn't leave in the limo feeling ecstatic. Instead, I was relieved for all of it to be over. I'm sure others had different experiences and Matt didn't feel exactly the same way I did, but that's just my own 2 cents.

But don't get me wrong-- the wedding was absolutely beautiful and all of the details came together perfectly. I'm glad all of our family and friends could enjoy it and celebrate with us and it was a very happy day. I finally got to marry my best friend after dating him and loving him for over 3 years, so that automatically makes it one of the best days of my life!

Was it the best day ever? No, but I still have amazing memories of that day and I don't regret anything.

Honestly I wouldn't want my wedding day to be the best day ever. If it was, what would you have to look forward to for the rest of your life?

Photo: Kasey Lynn Photography

Firsts & Lasts

So today is the first day of my last semester as an undergrad. This has been the catalyst for some significant thoughts.

I will be getting married to my best friend in approx 4 months and 2 weeks.

Unless something unexpected happens, the longest time I will be home (i.e. at my parents' house as their dependent child) will be four days.

I will be graduating from Texas A&M University with a BS in sociology & psychology in 4 months.

This semester, I will find out where I'm going to graduate school.


This semester, Matt & I will discover where we're going to live post-honeymoon. (Yeah, that's right. We still don't know)


I am taking my first graduate-level seminar this semester.


I will finish my honors thesis this March.


I will present my thesis at a professional conference in Las Vegas, NV.


I get to see Spamalot with a good friend tomorrow.


I get to go to one last semester of Breakaway.


I get to spend one last semester with my closest friends in the same city.

I get to spend one more semester making mistakes and learning about myself, the 'real' world, and most importantly, God. (It most certainly won't be the last, either)

Of course as I type this, I realize that NONE of these things are guaranteed to me. I am incredibly blessed to get these opportunities, no matter how bittersweet it all appears. And for those above blessings and many, many others, I am thankful.